Love & Basketball with The Bourne’s
Photo by Benjamin Alexander
A real life Love and Basketball story, brings us to Joscelyn and Justin Bourne. From meeting in High School, both top players on their prospective basketball teams in Alaska (yes, we said Alaska) to their journey down the aisle and into parenthood. Justin and Joscelyn have created a bond, friendship and marriage that has taken them to unexpected places.
How did you meet?
We met in High School and hung out with a large group of mutual friends. Officially, Justin was a senior and Jos was a sophomore and officially started dating that same year. 2002.
Describe your first date?
We went on a group date to the movies. We sat next to each other, but Justin dropped the armrest down. This was a result of Jos stalking Justin for weeks at lunch (according to Justin). After Justin insisted that Jos take him to lunch a few times a week after getting her license.
How do you maintain individuality?
We each have individual interests that we each spend time doing. Justin will play his guitar or play basketball or I will catch up on my shows (Housewives, Insecure) or study for physical therapy tests. Currently creating a new routine of individuality with the addition of a new baby. Constant communication between each other to ensure the other person is getting what they need or want done to ensure their mental health in the relationship.
How do you manage a work love balance?
We definitely communicate our needs in order to make each other feel important. We have to take time to spend together and do unconventional dating [because we have a kid and no babysitter :( ]
What is a piece of advice that you have received that you would pass on to another couple?
Take some time to process your marriage when it happens
Enjoy your time together
Make your own path. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s life.
“Take some time to process your marriage when it happens.”
What is the worst advice you have received?
Don’t go to bed angry. It’s unrealistic. Sometimes you need time to cool off and think about how you want to say something to your partner. We have seen couples make mistakes and not recover from them in our lives. Saying something in the heat of the moment may be detrimental to your relationship, when you could’ve really needed to just hit pause and sleep on it. I think we have tried to take those lessons into account.
How has having a child changed the dynamics of the relationship (pro and con)?
It has required us to be more creative in how we spend our own time together, how we communicate. We have slowed some things down and appreciate a slower life. It gives us a new way to love each other as a growing family unit.
How do you manage your finances? Shared or separate accounts?
We started with each having separate accounts as well as a common account, but as we pay debt off or credit cards our goals remain to have then we close it and have ended now with one shared account. Most of our finances are done out of a shared bank account (bills, groceries, house expenses). However, Joscelyn has a separate account for your student loans and sunny day fund. She doesn’t feel it is Justin’s responsibility to have to take on these payments as it was a decision she made for her life before they were married. For Justin it makes it easier for the money to be in one place to manage and divide amongst bills and other expenses.
How do you resolve disagreements?
It is important to have conversations about the issue head on. Sometimes we each need a minute to think about the best response to each other's perspective to move forward. Yes, in some disagreements we need time to cool off if things get hearted, but at the end of day it all all comes down to having a conversation with another. We make the effort to understand each other's point of view to help resolve the issue or come to a compromise. The attitude is the bigger picture of our life together is greater than the smaller piece of the situation.
What are three goals you have as a couple?
To not lose how we feel about each other and our love for one another as we grow as people.
Be owners…House, Business, Finances, and our own happiness.
To grow old together and enjoy each stage of life.
What is one word you would use to describe your relationship and why?
Partner because we fit each other so well together and here for one another all aspects of life.
