Love & Tinderness: Delisha meets Raymar
This Brooklynite couple both swiped right and have never looked back. From date nights across Brooklyn to traveling the world, Raymar and Delisha are committed to creating the future they have set for themselves as a couple and individuals.
How did you meet?
Delisha/Raymar: We met on Tinder believe it or not lmfao. I downloaded the app and gave myself two weeks to meet people and go on dates. I’m not a big fan of dating apps but my friend Stevi insisted that I try it to meet new people. On the last day of my two week deadline he (Raymar) and I “matched” with one another and the rest is history
Describe your first date?
Delisha: Go ahead Raymar, tell your version of this story lmfao
Raymar: After weeks of good conversation, we planned to have our first date at Morgan’s BBQ in Brooklyn. I set the date at a BBQ spot because she was scheduled to get her wisdom teeth taken out the next week and I wanted her last meal to be good. I got to the restaurant first and she showed up shortly after. I was nervous but then she came in with a big smile and I was set! We had natural chemistry and conversation...and she’s fine ass hell so it made it easier to look at her when I talked to her. BUT, one thing I’ll never forget is when she ate my food.
“We had natural chemistry and conversation...and she’s fine ass hell so it made it easier to look at her when I talked to her. But, one thing I’ll never forget is when she ate my food.”
How do you maintain individuality?
Delisha: I’m in the process of starting/developing my own business so I schedule time for work, separate from our relationship. I dedicate at least 4 days days to work and 3 days for us to enjoy our time together. Because we have different interests, I think it’s easy for us to find time for ourselves and we also set boundaries and try to communicate what our expectations are
Raymar: I just continue to do things that I enjoy doing in my regular schedule. Whether it be working out, playing video games, running errands, catching up with my friends, reading, watching sports etc. Whatever it is I just try to make sure that I make time for myself.
How do you manage a work love balance?
Delisha: This is still a work in progress for me lol! I had a fulltime job where I traveled a lot and worked unconventional hours so we only had the weekend (if that) to enjoy our time together and love on each other. NOW, I’m in the process of building a business so I want to give 110% of my time and effort to that. However, I don’t want to neglect him or miss out on spending time with him. To balance the two we agreed to at least have 2-hours of uninterrupted “us time”—either person can pick the day/time and we need to commit to spending time together for at least 2 hours without distractions! It’s helped but I can work harder on showing him some love and affection. Acts of kindness and affection are his love language lol
Raymar: For me, it’s not hard to have a work love balance because I have a routine work schedule. The biggest hurdle is making sure that I check-in and engage with her throughout the day so that she knows that I’m thinking about her even though I am working. Another challenge is planning a trip/getaway for just US...I need to get better at that
What is a piece of advice you’ve received that you’d pass on to another couple?
Delisha: Umm people really don’t come to me for relationship advice lmfao! This is the first solid relationship I’ve had in a long time. However, one piece of advice that i’ve heard that I will pass on to another couple is to communicate, communicate, communicate! I found that communication for us is so important for us to thrive and it creates an easy flowing environment when both you and your partner are on the same page.
Raymar: I try not to give out relationship advice because everyone’s relationship is different. But sometimes I have conversations with friends about what’s going on in their relationships and my advice is to “be empathetic to what the other person is going through because everybody is doing the best that they can”
“One piece of advice that i’ve heard that I will pass on to another couple is to communicate, communicate, communicate! I found that communication for us is so important for us to thrive and it creates an easy flowing environment when both you and your partner are on the same page.”
What is the worst advice you’ve received about relationships and why?
Delisha: Ummm again, lol, this is my first solid relationship in a long time so I refrain from receiving any advice on how to keep a man (haha).
Raymar: I’ve heard “you gotta show them who’s boss.” This is probably the worst advice I’ve heard in my life because that will create a power struggle for no reason. I’ve learned that will cause resentment, make both parties defensive, and make them feel like they’re not being heard
What role do finances play in your relationship? How do you discuss money?
Delisha: This is still a major learning curve for me to discuss openly with Raymar because I have student loan debt that is plaguing my life and I want to get rid of it! However, we openly talk about our future, what our plan is to move forward, and our financial goals (i.e. joint travel savings plan, planning for children, wedding, etc.). We also have discussed our salary and have committed to the same financial advisor who is aware of our financial goals as a couple and is working to help set us up for our intended future. I hope that we can talk about finances more openly soon and merge some of our funds to continue to plan for our future
Raymar: What she said lol
How has your relationship been during quarantine/pandemic?
Delisha: Woah! This is a loaded question lol. I’ve learned A LOT about him as a person (sleeping habits, how he communicates, what his internal interests are vs external). This time in isolation has definitely challenged us but has brought us closer together on an intimate level. In the last 3 months, we’ve experienced a loss in both of our families, have seen what we look like physically at our worst, and have a better understanding of each other's triggers. For me, there’s so much beauty and light that has come out of our time in Quarantine because I now know who I am truly with (the good, bad, and ugly) lmfao. But it was a journey to get here let me tell you.
Raymar: Hmm lmfao I’ve learned how much time she puts into her business first hand (that’s admirable). I’ve also learned that she wants the best for me. Our relationship has been interesting because this is like a pressure cooker lol there is nowhere to go so we have to find ways to give each other space and work things out in tight living quarters. It’s been a challenge because it messes with the routine that we’ve had in our everyday life which was a level of comfort in our relationship. I have enjoyed spending a lot of time with her and having no commitments to anything else.
How do you resolve disagreements?
Delisha/Raymar: We are still working through how to better understand each other. But when we have a disagreement Raymar will press for a resolution whereas Delisha likes to walk away for a heated discussion because I don’t want to pop off on his ass. We’re learning that those two ideologies have to be respected for us to move on. We try to compromise by finding a resolution in the moment, no matter how hard the topic of discussion is, OR step away for a while and revisit the conflict once tempers have settled. We are good at apologizing but we’re getting better at understanding the other person's perspective
What are 3 goals you share as a couple?
Delisha/Raymar: Our three (3) goals are:
To create a consistent foundation of communication
Work toward a future together (family, marriage, wealth, happiness)
Learn ourselves better so that we can be better for each other
What is one word you would use to describe your relationship and why?
Delisha/Raymar: Refreshing - because we continue to learn new things about each other on a deeper level, we’re in love, and we have fun together
Social Channels:
Delisha: @holadoll (instagram), @delishafields (Facebook), blkgetaway.com
Raymar: @raymarcrosby (instagram, Facebook and Twitter)
