College Sweethearts: Ben & Faneisha
Being married and in quarantine with your spouse can be a mountain to climb on it’s own, but add in having your first child during a pandemic, an equation not even Einstein could figure out. Well, Ben and Faneisha “Fo” have solved the equation and continue to take new parenthood and their marriage one day at a time.
How did you meet?
We met in college through mutual friends. We were acquaintances throughout our time there and reconnected after we both graduated.
Describe your first date?
Our first date technically wasn’t a date. We were just catching up as acquaintances at a local restaurant. It had been a few years since we had seen each other in college. Though the premise of the dinner was friendship, we both left with seeds that it could potentially be more. I, Faneisha, enjoyed Ben’s humor while Ben thought I had a great personality. We ended up going out several more times and spending time together before bringing up the conversation about becoming a couple.
How do you maintain individuality?
We’ve never forced each other to conform to our individual viewpoints or interests. Those are the things that attracted us to each other. We also give each other space to explore our own interests.
How do you manage a work love balance?
Finding this balance is definitely hard. We both have challenging responsibilities at our jobs, coupled with trying to grow a business. Sometimes there isn’t balance. We may both find ourselves on our laptops late into the evenings. We recognize those moments and try to rectify them as soon as possible. Now that we are new parents, we have to be even more intentional about creating a space for each other. A balanced day would entail us talking throughout the day, leaving work at a reasonable hour, and spending our evenings eating, talking, and watching television together.
“We manage our finances together. Everything is shared--accounts and all assets. We chose to share everything because it forces communication and transparency.”
What is a piece of advice you’ve received that you’d pass on to another couple? What is the worst advice you’ve received?
Ben ~ The best piece of advice I received was to:
Maintain honor for each other
Don’t get overly familiar with your spouse such that you forget to do the small, considerate things. (Ex. Offer to get your spouse a drink in the same manner that you would a guest in your home)
Faneisha ~ The best advice that I received is to protect your marriage. It’s your responsibility and no one else will. Another great piece of advice that we both keep front of mind is that we’re on the same team and we’re not competing against each other. Our actions should reflect that of unity and not divisiveness. We haven’t necessarily received bad advice. Instead, we’ve been subject to outdated commentary around gender roles. In this instance, we say do what works for your marriage to ensure that the household is maintained.
How has having your first child during a pandemic changed your relationship?
Separately, these are drastic life events. Together, they have created a very unique situation to navigate. Because of the pandemic, we were thrust into parenthood without the traditional support that most new parents receive. As a result, we had to navigate the newness parenthood alone--including delivery. This isn’t all bad though. We learned how to work more effectively as a team and rely on each other. This also enables us to grow into parenthood in our own way.
How do you manage the finances? Shared or Separate accounts? Why?
We manage our finances together. Everything is shared--accounts and all assets. We chose to share everything because it forces communication and transparency. These two things are critical for a relationship. By sharing everything, there is a system that’s in place that ensures that conversations are had and done so often.
Fo, given you are a financial influencer, from your perspective what advice would you give couples looking to navigate the “money talk”?
The money talk is certainly necessary and is one of the most important conversations that you’ll have. It is something that should be done if the intent is for the relationship to become serious. The best way to approach it is to begin by first being open and honest about your past. How did you grow up? How does that shape the way you navigate life now? These questions will inherently open up discussions about money. In the end, you really want to understand the other person’s mindset regarding money and their habits. These are the things that will be important when having to deal with money together. If the relationship becomes serious, then you can begin talking about the numbers--salaries, debt, credit, etc. Be willing to go into it without judgment and with all honesty. Hiding things during this conversation will only lead to issues later.
Here’s are some resources for navigating discussions around money in marriage, specifically:
https://soundcloud.com/fo-alexander/how-to-manage-financial-expectations-in-marriage
https://soundcloud.com/fo-alexander/ep2
https://soundcloud.com/fo-alexander/combining-finces-with-your-spouse
How do you resolve disagreements?
Whenever there is a disagreement one of us takes the responsibility of breaking the ice and starting the conversation to reconcile. Once the initial tension is broken--typically through laughter--we have a candid conversation about our feelings and opinions of the situation. Though we may not change the other person’s mind, we both acknowledge the other person’s feelings and respect their opinion. Apologies aren’t foreign in our home and we are humble enough to say we’re sorry.
What are 3 goals you share as a couple?
Remain happily married throughout the changes of life.
Attain complete financial independence that enables us to give significantly and leave a legacy for our children.
To travel...often
What is one word you would use to describe your relationship and why?
Vibrant.
Our relationship is full of laughter and friendship. Besides our faith, this is our foundation. From friends who left seeds on their first date to become more, to having their first child during a global pandemic, Ben and Fo are planting their own seeds to create a beautiful garden.
To follow their journey and learn more money moves from Fo, check them their social channels here:
Facebook:@GirlTalkwithFo | @mamanmoney
Instagram: @GirlTalkwithFo | @mamanmoney
Twitter: @GirlTalkwithFo | @mamanmoney
YouTube: YouTube.com/mamanmoney
Websites: GirlTalkwithFo.com + Mamaandmoney.com
