College Romance: Meet Lola & Rey

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A chance spotting from across campus would be the first step in connecting Lola and Rey. When they met things were complicated, so they settled on friendship. That friendship led to love and marriage.


How did you meet?

Rey saw me on campus during my freshman year of college and decided to reach out via Facebook and establish some sort of connection. This was before DM’ing was thing so once the conversation thread on all of my posts made it evidently clear that we had a lot in common-we exchanged numbers. We spent the entire summer texting and made plans to meet up once back on campus.  It just so happened that I was going back early for R.A training and he was also an R.A, so of course on the first day back-during the first free moment we had…we met up and hung out.

Describe your first date.

Our relationship was complicated-because I had been dating someone else on campus. Naturally there was a sneaking around, just to spend time with another. As a result, our first date was technically a fast-food run. We drove to KFC and afterwards, I was dropped my dorm. Being able to have a car and eat off campus was a flex, back then.

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“You two are on the same team always remember that when you’re having an argument or fighting.”

How do you maintain individuality?

  • Rey: I take photos to express my creativity, it’s something uniquely my own. In all our living spaces we’ve had a 2-room situation, I have my man cave and she’d have an office with her own reading nook, we give each other space to reign free in our own spaces. I mostly utilize the space to watch movies I know she doesn’t care for or make time to play videogames. I carve out time to see friends and family a few times a month, not so much now with COVID but I’m normally pretty social.

  • Lola: I write and make special time to do things that I do-sometimes all alone. For instance, writing remains a way to analyze my emotions and serves as a coping mechanism for dealing with trauma (Past and Present) as well as stress. Additionally, pre-pandemic-I would go see a movie, take a trip to the local book store and stay there for a few hours or take myself out to lunch. At 30, I am also discovering the significance of a group of friends close to me-so I’ve been spending time with a small close-kit group of ladies and we hang out once a month and reach out for support and frequent check-ins in between time. All of these things help me to either bask in something I enjoy or substantiates my own different world view ad validates my experiences and thought process.

I actually adore the way the we handle serious issues and we’ve gotten better as we’ve gotten older. We talk them through and are open, vulnerable, raw and honest.
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How do you manage a work/love balance?

I have a low demanding job so I’m able to maintain communication often throughout the day so there is never any type of neglect. We go out…frequently and I listen to requests of ‘home/work hours’; meaning I try to be present when he comes home.

What is a piece of advice you’ve received that you’d pass on to another couple?

You two are on the same team always remember that when you’re having an argument or fighting.

“Lead with empathy” is the best advice of advice that I’ve received, that I’d give to another couple. When I am at peak frustration-this idea centers me. It reminds me that no one is necessarily right or wrong, it discourages black and white thinking, and instead pushes me to try to understand why my partner may be feeling what he is feeling or reacting the way he reacting. It allows me to step down from a judgmental place and possibly look at how my actions may have come off, objectively. Moving forward is easy, once parties can take responsibility for their part in an issue.

What is the worst advice you’ve received?

Don’t go to sleep angry, it’s okay to feel your feelings and re-assess the situation with a clearer head in the morning.

Any type of advice that insinuates that I need to be more in control or more demanding, for instance I’ve been told “Give him an ultimatum” or “Don’t take that-you need to reign him in” or “You allow him to watch porn?”, stuff like that now seems silly-but especially as a young woman, I felt that I was doing something wrong if I was not in control-now every time I get an urge to say something-I ask myself how big of a deal is it, first.

How do you manage the finances? Shared or Separate accounts?  Why?

We have joint savings account, separate checking accounts because it’s easier to surprise one another with gifts but also it helps maintain individuality. We both work hard for our money and since we don’t have any children, we feel that we should be able to spend money on the things we enjoy so long as we’re adequately saving.

They say finances is one of the leading causes of divorce and we don’t want something as trivial as money to cause fights, so we discuss a budget monthly, make sure all expenses are paid, contribute to the nest egg and allow each other the space to spend freely. When we shared a checking account it started petty fights like, you spent X amount of dollars on Y? And because there is no clear distinction on who’s money it is, it led to resentment because I would buy something she disagreed with or vice versa, separate accounts eliminate that feeling of judgement.

How do you resolve disagreements?

I actually adore the way the we handle serious issues and we’ve gotten better as we’ve gotten older. We talk them through and are open, vulnerable, raw and honest. We try to provide a safe space to express your feelings on a consistent basis, so it comes naturally when the argument or discussion may be more intense. Furthermore, when its serious-we don’t really yell, we articulate our point of views and try to reach a resolution together. That is not something that was modeled for me growing up so each and every time we come to an agreement or resolve an issue, I feel such pride for us as a unit.

What are 3 goals you share as a couple?

  • We want to travel the world, every part of it,

  • Be more involved in our community whether it be philanthropically or politically

  • Lastly, we’d like to start investing in Real Estate and find ways to help our money grow.

What is one word you would use to describe your relationship and why?

Rey: Entertaining, because we are constantly laughing and joking with one another. It’s really never a dull moment, I can never say I’m bored in our marriage, we genuinely enjoy one another’s company, she’s my forever person, and I love spending time with her.

Lola: I’d use the word ‘Loving’ to describe us; after being together for 11 years I always assumed that things would dwindle, passion would wane-however I find that with time and experiences that bond is strengthened. We also haven’t yet lost that college-like playfulness, things aren’t stale. I believe that comes from the passion we feel for one another.

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