A Tree Grows From Brooklyn: Alisha and Kallai Brooks
Photograph by Alisha B. Photography
From Brooklyn to Charlotte this couple of 18 years took a chance on their dream life and are not looking back. Meet Alisha and Kallai Brooks, only children turned friends and now partners for life. Show us how they love each unconditionally, raise a family, work to break a generational curses, and create generational wealth. Even through their ups and downs, Alisha and Kallai strive to show up as their best selves for each other everyday.
How did you meet?
We met on Freshman move-in day in 2003 at Bowie State University in Bowie, MD. He was DJing for the event right next to my dorm. We didn’t start dating until 2008 when he came back to NY after graduating. I actually transferred back to finish college at Baruch in NY in 2005. So we just kept in touch and I saw him when I visited my friends on campus.
Describe your first date?
We went out to eat. He then treated me to a spa session and then we went out for drinks after. It was such a beautiful summer night in the city. *sigh*
Photograph by Elena S. Blair Photography
Photography by Elena S. Blair Photography
How do you maintain individuality?
We both suffer from OCS (Only Child Syndrome) so we both need time to go off and do our own thing. He will go out and have time to himself to whatever he needs to do to reset, and the same for me. It is a definite understanding.
How do you manage a work love balance?
We try to make time early in the morning and late at night . We will have a morning coffee date in the bed or after bedtime wine date on the deck.
You both recently made a big decision and bought a home in Charlotte, NC, How has moving to another state been for your relationship and family?
Photography by Alisha B. Photography
“We want to be the ones to break generational curses in our cultures/families.”
While it has definitely had its stressful moments, it has also been the most liberating experience for us. Not to mention, the pandemic has allowed us the time and space to cling a little tighter to each other as well. It just feels so much better to do in a bigger space. While we are very grateful for this step in our growth process, the kids have been affected the most. They love the new house, but they miss the social aspect. We think they associate no hanging with friends because of the move rather than the pandemic. Also, all good things don’t come at once, so we also try to remind them that their time will come.
We bought a home in Charlotte to be able to have a better quality of life. We spend less money here and have so many more luxuries. There is so much space not only in our home, but outside too. We were ready for a change and had had our eyes on Charlotte for years, but always finding excuses not to take the leap. This time around, we decided to take a risk and not pass up on an opportunity, which is going so far so good.
What is one piece of advice you’ve received that you’d pass on to another couple?
Choose to love your partner everyday.
What is the worst advice you’ve received?
“Y’all should get married before you give birth to Phoenix” -- we didn’t get married until P was 2-- which ended up being the right time for us.
“Children can humble you and force you to prioritize what is really important to you.”
Photograph by Kristina Dominique
How has having children changed the dynamic of your relationship? (pros vs. cons)
Children can humble you and force you to prioritize what is really important to you. They are our inspirations to go harder and better. They are also a constant reminder of the love we have for each other, especially when times get rough. They force us to be present even when we feel like retreating. Sometimes getting alone time can be annoying because they want our attention. Kids can also be pricey when it comes to making sure all their needs are met and then some (ie.whenever we travel as a family, we have to always buy FOUR plane tickets lol).
How do you manage the finances? Shared or Separate accounts? Why?
We have both separate and joint accounts. It has just always made more sense for us. We dump into our savings for big joint purchases. We have specific bills that we both pay (and are willing to help each other if one falls short). We have been very good about communicating about money over the last 13 years -- so I guess it’s working. We both believe in allowing the other to have a sense of privacy and independence. Joint everything that seems too much for us.
How do you resolve disagreements?
We are very big on communication and talking things out. If it starts to become tense, we are pretty much on the same page about walking away to cool off and coming back. Not every disagreement can go that smoothly, but we try to prioritize being slow to speak and quick to listen to each other. I think we both are definitely on the same page about our commitment to being life partners and it helps us want to grow through our disagreements because we have very similar values.
What are 3 goals you share as a couple?
We want to build generational wealth for our family.
We want to be the ones to break generational curses in our cultures/families.
We want to live full, happy, adventurous, passionate, lives, honestly (and we are both committed in supporting the other in that process).
What is one word you would use to describe your relationship and why?
Unconditional -- We have known each other for 18 years. We were friends for the first 5, dated for the next 6, and have been married for the last 7. I'm sure you could only imagine the up and downs we have been through with each other, but each one has truly made us stronger as a couple and as individuals. The reason is because we truly want what's best for the other, even if it hurts us.. Unconditional.
